Monday, May 12, 2014
Whether people got it or not, she never did anything for the facade. It was all genuine. Sometimes too genuine, too blunt maybe. Her other fault to others was that she could be too independent. She was a selfish friend. If others didn't reach out to her, she would stay distant, more of an idea, sequestered off somewhere. But, if they reached out, she would respond. At least she could do that.
She hated when she tortured herself with her thoughts. Stupid thoughts... like trying to divine what people might be saying about her when they talked. Everybody talks about everybody, so what were they saying about her? She replayed moments in her head, guessing at perceptions and interpretations, worrying, angsting about negative take aways. She knew it was such a stupid way to spend her mind and energy, which just increased her unease, because she was also so weak and unenlightened as to care.